all this love

the goddess in me is continuing to give him love freely.
"i can't leave it's too late."
i hope the god in him does the same.

i'm not gon' lie, it seems as tho he's throwing himself on the mercy of the courts lol and it makes me very uneasy. but i think that's because i've never been here before. and i've never known what to do.

he's also still throwing shade. but that could be actual work he's doing. but who can trust him!? NOT ME!

elixir is a great album. i mean lotus flow3r and mplsound is also, but this one connects with me deeper because its from a woman's perspective. and its teaching me how to love.

i learned my place as a sacred wombman the other day. a healer lover and completing element.
i think i'ma suck it up and get a room. and see what we can work out.

Despair is in the Air

I can't lie. Today I am broken. Actually I broke yesterday...
but today. I can't....
I can't pick myself.
Quiet storm.



Yesterday I found out that he was cheating, and has been lying to me about it for the last three years. Probably. "Ooh love I'm a fool to believe in you, 'cause I don't know...no I don't know anymore..."

I am releasing my self.
I just wish that someone would've told me. (But she did and I didn't believe her)

It hurts. Because I know this is what I get. This untruthfulness began with me. Or maybe it didn't. But, I can't blame the balance. I can't blame anything. These tears are to be tasted. These years were not spent wasted. But now I've gotta go.

I've been misreading the universe, thinking that I'm not supposed to be here... but I am.
I let a man trick me into believe I was inferior. Isn't that sad? That what he said about me was right. That I could not be saved without him. That he's supposed to be helping me. Helping me hurt? Stay in the back, don't say nothing... be my rib. I can't DO that anymore. It's KILLING me.

The funny thing is I can't even find him! LMAO. Stupid girl to believe he'd at LEAST be honest... let alone call me.




Moving on SUCKS. Especially when so much of my life revolves around him, my spirit grows out of our connection. I can see the lesson plain as day now and I wonder why it took this to get me here. But I don't wonder 'cause I know.

Cleansing

So I'm going to Trader Joe's this morning to look for some inexpensive, organic, vegetarian foods to start shaping my diet. I am currently fasting, sipping on some water from time to time, and I've resolved to drink healthy fruit juice's since I just received a manual juicer.

I found this cool food guide pyramid for vegans which I'm just gonna use as a basis and then incorporate my own needs and such in there.

I have a $100 budget for food.
And then I'm going to use whatever I need from my card to look about some vitamin supplements. Mos def. Because I am not goin' out like that lol. But that's not until tomorrow...

I'm in the process of making a shopping list (and checking it twice). I need to find a good nutrition site tho since I don't have my book from the class I took freshman/sophomore year. So off I go. Wish me luck children!

I'm definitely looking out for those things I saw in yesterdays video.

Another thing I will be doing today is (hopefully alongside my friend who I am trying to help better) realigning myself in space and time. We talked about how modernity/ colonialism disrupts the space time contiuum (in a sense) and this interview with Dr. York as well as Shamise's response really made me decide to realign myself so I can get back in tune with the universe.

This false sense of time has been beating me on the head for years. I remember telling Zack Waterman outside of Carroll hall, last year, how time isn't real. Well "this time" at least. And since my proclamation the universe has been going thru leaps and bounds to reveal to me that I was right.

Isn't the TRUTH so FREEING. *snickers*

[update 1:41 PM]
so i found these dope ass charts at wikipedia for the vitamins & minerals, and have written my shopping list accordingly.

getting dressed and ready to shop. peace family!