craziness

in all the angst of court proceedings i failed to realize/ acknowledge several things about the days leading up to TUESDAY..

monday NOVEMBER 2 was five months of sweet love
it was also the end of my 4th month (15th/ 16th week)

tuesday NOVEMBER 3 was of course court/ his release from the hell that is clarksburg
and the a FULL moon

now he is in DC jail and we cannot communicate at all, but i will promptly be writing him a letter and mailing it monday... and i guess tuesday ima go pick up his stuff from seven locks

my head is swirling. imagine what KAJ is doing right now. probably having a better time in there than he/ she will out here.

i haven't had ANY time to take pictures and im sad. because i wanted to document the bump. melissa will not give me my bloody camera back. i wonder what the fuck is REALLY going on with my friends nowadays. the 3 of them i do have, one being my lover. MS FINNEY said she would fotograf my development, and i have a doctors apt on the 13. my second one. im far behind in my check ups, i missed 3 but... WHATEVER.

my car is non existent and my place is not done yet. my parents bullshit me and i hate it. i swear when love comes home we're GONE. fuck waiting around on people to help.

i will have my english degree right before the summer soltice GOD WILLING. WOOT. then hopefully i can secure a massage certification/ license to do that for a while, and then get my juris docturate later on and teach and start gettin into the law thang. but i REALLY want to leave this country.

maybe i can pursue all that elsewhere. perhaps.

i just want to be a mommy. and be healthy. and have my love with me. its GREAT he's not all the way in BOYDS, MD... but check out how the universe works... the smell of him on his shirt fades the day he's taken to DC. guess thats a sign. i don't know what it means yet tho. will search my soul to find later.

i need to get back on my witchery. SERIOUSLY. i need to tear babylon down. but also i think i subtly am

Brahma by Emerson

If the red slayer think he slays
Or the slain think he is slain
They know not well the subtle ways
I keep and pass and turn again

Far or forget to me is near
Shadow and sunlight are the same
To me the vanished gods appear
And one to me are shame and fame

They reckon ill who leave me out
When me they fly, I am the wings
I am the doubter and the doubt
And I the hymn the Brahmin sings

The strong gods pine for my abode
And pine in vane, the sacred seven
But thou meek lover of the good
Find me and turn thy back on heaven

Schizohrenic

by CIRIUS B

"then one day you told me it was love..... "
and we had a baby.
<3

constant struggles in a quest to find myself...
keep getting knocked down.

NOW IM KNOCKED UP.
and im having a baby.

so the world turns.
crawling back in my cave to live as my ancestors did
eat this food. regurgitate. spit it up up up onto the walls of darkness.
spread it around and wait for my people to discover we again...

I WANT TO MOVE TO CUBA AND RAISE MY CHILD.
love.

The All

aka
"Allah".. "Yahweh"... "Yah"... "Jah"... "Jehovah"... "El Eloah"....
"Under and back of the Universe of Time, Space, and Change, is ever to be found The Substantial Reality -- The Fundamental Truth."
-the Kybalion

1) mentalism
2) correspondence
3) vibration
4) polarity
5) rhythm
6) cause + effect
7) gender





"all but the childish efforts of mortal minds to grasp the secret of the Infinite..."
-the Kybalion